The Ascent to Godhood Page 3

  One did. Lifting it up revealed several bundles of red silk, some pale and ragged with age. I unwrapped one and found scrolls and record sticks inside. As though guided by invisible threads of fate, I had found exactly what I was looking for.

  I had to work fast. Chong might wake any moment. I shoved Hekate’s device into the nook, and bundled everything into my robes and snuck out. I was lucky not to be stopped, because there were at least a dozen packages, and I did a shit job of hiding them under my bosom. Our cart-driver was very good, sworn to secrecy—he knew what was going on, but he never sold out any of us girls. Once I was in the cart, I activated the beacon. My heart was wild in my chest, and my mind was wild with fear and excitement. I had done the unthinkable. I had no idea what would happen next.

  Hekate worked fast. By the time we got back to the dancing house, one of her handmaidens was waiting outside with the royal cart. Waiting for me, of course. I didn’t even get the chance to go back inside, change my clothes, wash my face, anything. Just straight on to the Great High Palace.

  Upon arrival, the girl took me and all my loot straight to Hekate’s bedchambers. Not a person along the corridors bothered us. After all, I was being escorted by someone serving the Protector’s immediate family. And even though I was afraid of all the things that could go wrong, I felt comforted knowing I had the protection of the highest powers in the land. It felt so calming. Invulnerability, you know? It was so alien to me, the girl who had been nothing before she became a commodity. And it was so good.

  I still remember what she wore when I saw her waiting for me. It was a yellow gown of the fanciest silk, paper-thin and so fine you could see right through it. So fragile you couldn’t embroider it, so the butterfly motif had to be painted on. Her hair was loose around her shoulders and her face barely painted. I was startled to see her like that, almost naked in that room, the most intimate setting of her gilded life. I thought we were there to conduct business of a different kind. When I drew close, I smelled that she had also anointed her skin with perfumed oils. Her favorite kind of jasmine, the particular strain of which only grew in the Great High Palace. She was the only person allowed to use this scent. I grew to know it well.

  She dismissed her handmaid and then we were alone.

  What have you got? she asked.

  I had expected her to be eager, but she was so calm. I didn’t say anything; I only handed her the bag.

  Without a word, she emptied its contents on the ground and picked through the bundles with quick fingers. Like a fishwife but more elegant. I studied her face. Even her stoic mask couldn’t conceal her growing excitement.

  Did I find the right things? I asked her.

  This is everything, she said. You found his secret records. Everything he wanted to hide . . .

  That’s good, I said. That had been my single arrow, my one chance to tear through Chong’s room. Imagine if I had only stolen crap. We would be fucked.

  How did you get this? she asked as she sorted through it all. How did you steal all this unnoticed?

  I told her what happened. Every detail. I told her I’d left her device in Chong’s hiding place.

  And she said, I see.

  Then she said, You can’t leave here.

  I asked, You mean I can’t leave tonight? Or—

  And she said, No. I said you can’t leave. You have to stay in the palace from now on. You assaulted Chong, a noble. He knows what you’ve done. Do you think there will be no consequences? He will have you killed. The only place that can offer you enough protection is right here. In the palace. By my side.

  My temper flared. I was so upset—she was the one who got me involved in the first place. I did everything she asked me to, and now she was trapping me in her palace as thanks? I was standing in front of her, like this—and I clenched my fists. Instinct, you know. I think maybe I swore at her, something like fuck you or cheebye, maybe both.

  She laughed. Of course she laughed; I was like an angry child brandishing a stick. Who wouldn’t laugh?

  I like your spirit, she said.

  I asked. So, what now? Are you going to kill me?

  In my mind, she could do anything she wanted. The easiest way to clean up would be to wipe me from existence. She didn’t need me any longer, and then Chong couldn’t accuse her of theft or harboring a criminal. I felt that sinking in my gut, you know, the knowledge that you have no hope of escape. I was worth nothing, and I was going to be thrown away like spoiled fruit.

  But she looked at me like she was puzzled. Kill you? she asked. Why would I do that?

  You’re not afraid I’ll cause you trouble? I asked.

  I’m not afraid of anything, she said, and I knew that was true. With all her power and cunning, what could she be afraid of?

  She said, You’re worried about Chong. You shouldn’t be. He is a worm, and I now have everything I need to destroy him.

  But he’ll know you were involved in the theft, I said.

  Of course, she said. How could I not let him know who defeated him, when I have won so conclusively?

  Her confidence was intoxicating. It was so easy to get drunk on her. I asked, Will he really have no recourse against you?

  She smirked and said, There are things in here that, if released, will get him assassinated in his sleep. Or get him pulled from his cart and beaten to death by ordinary citizens. Do not worry, my darling. He has no hold over us.

  Hearing her say my darling and us felt so good. I shivered. No one had really cared for me since I left home. No one had looked out for me. We were all too busy looking after our own survival. I had a vision, all of a sudden, of a place where I would be treasured again.

  I said, Can I go back to the dancing house first?

  No, she said. Just as I expected. She said, It’s too late for that now. Leave it all behind. Whatever bonds you forged, they mean nothing now. Whatever possessions you had, they are no longer yours. From today, you are a new person. No longer a simple dancing girl. Your name is . . . let’s see. I shall name you Lady Han.

  Lady Han! As though I was some kind of nobility! I found the situation absurd. But at the same time, I was thrilled by the idea. Being called a lady by other members of the court! Would some of them start treating me with respect?

  She smiled; she touched my face. You’re very brave, she said. What you did was extraordinary. I chose right.

  She was so close, and the way she smelled, the way she looked . . . it was overwhelming. I’d never felt that way about anyone before. I’d never felt that way about anything before.

  I asked, What are you going to do to me?

  And she said, You mean tonight, or for the rest of time?

  I said, Both.

  You’re going to be my handmaiden, she said. I need people around me I can trust. Not just to be loyal to me, but also to think for themselves and speak up to me when they feel they need to. You’re smart. You have quick wits about you. That’s the kind of woman that I like.

  It was flattering, to hear those words coming from someone like her. I realized how badly I wanted her approval.

  She continued: As for tonight . . . well. She pulled me close, her hands already traveling down my leg. I liked it. I liked it a lot.

  She said, You’ll see, won’t you?

  Chapter Five

  I’ve been speaking for too long. Time to wet it with another round, let my throat rest. I sure do get through gourds fast when I talk, don’t I?

  Are you having fun? Are you enjoying this little trip down these rivulets of history? I hope you are, because I won’t repeat this shit again. Now it’s done, I’ll cremate her in my mind, too.

  Do I regret the things that happened? Oh, child. Regret’s not my thing. Some of what happened was great, and some of it was a bucket of shit. Our land is better in some ways and worse off in others. That’s all it is.

  Now. Where was I?

  Right, so you know how I came to live in the Great High Palace. In a turn of the sun, I was taken
from the life I had come to know and plunged into something else. Hekate compared me to a butterfly emerging from a cocoon of misery into something bright and beautiful. She was right, in some ways. What does a butterfly think about its condition? It does not. Its transformation just happens, and the butterfly goes on with life the best it knows how. Then it dies. Luckily for me, I snapped out of the dream before that point. But for now, I was deep in it, stretching my newly dried wings, flitting from one well of nectar to the next.

  Hekate was sweet to me. That’s a side of her people almost never talk about. Sure, she was cruel, and her tyranny when she became Protector was almost unchecked. But to those she was close to, those she cherished, she could be slow and sweet as syrup. Of course, I was still her servant. I spent my days cleaning up after her and attending to her needs. But she didn’t beat me or scold me the way the mamasans in the houses did. The way Madam Wong did. For the first time since I had been taken from home, I found myself treated like another equal person. Treated with respect. And that was more intoxicating than these six gourds of wine I’ve drunk.

  Tell me what you want, she said, one early evening as we lay in bed. I told her I wanted to learn slackcraft. It was a crazy idea; I just said it as a joke. I expected her to laugh me down. Instead, she took both my hands and said, That’s a brilliant idea, Little Han! Then you’ll be able to protect yourself. She was so excited, all swept up in emotion like a child.

  I didn’t think I’d be able to do it. In the villages, you know, nobody could. We thought it was a natural spark. If you had it, you could do it. If you didn’t, you couldn’t. And we never met anyone who could. But she told me I was wrong. That the Slack is in everyone, just sleeping . . . Sure, some people will be better than others, some will have better control, some will have more power. It’s like running or dancing. You just have to be trained. And she trained me.

  Imagine how different the world would be if everyone knew they could learn slackcraft. Imagine if everyone had this awesome, terrifying power.

  You learned this too? Where? Out at sea, huh. Who taught you? Your mother? That sounds like I story I’d like to hear. Maybe later.

  Alright, alright, I’ll continue. Hekate taught me as much slackcraft as she could. It was mostly a wash. I learned a bit of water-nature, a bit of metal-nature, I can lift a cup or shock a cheeky brat. I was a good student, hardworking, but you can’t make up for years of not training.

  You too? Well, I didn’t need any of that fancy Tensor stuff to do what I did. We’re good. We’ve done good.

  In any case, life was great. I was so happy. For the first time since I left home, I was comfortable enough to relax. No worries about the next day, no stomach-churning cares that bled into restless, sweat-damp nights. I knew nothing bad could happen to me. Hekate was an intoxicating presence, and her power and position hung over me like the bowed fringe of a weeping willow. I enjoyed it all: the fine silks, the gentle perfumes, the bright colors of my surroundings. Was I happy? Hell yes, I was happy. Was it a false happiness? Who the fuck knows. I’ve never had that kind of untainted joy before or since.

  Six months after I moved into the Great High Palace, six months into my newfound state of bliss, the old Protector died.

  Now, this wasn’t much of a shock. The old Protector hadn’t truly been healthy even as a young man, and his health had been deteriorating for years. All that bile finally caught up to him in his fifth decade. Bitter little shit.

  Hekate was furious. She’d spent years and years undermining Kamine. The people he grew close to became awfully unlucky. They died in sporting accidents, or their shady dealings got exposed to the public. And this is the upper crust we’re talking about—all of them were shady. Every last one of those fuckers was corrupt. No one was safe.

  If Kamine had even a bit of spine or a vestige of brain, he would have put an end to it. It wouldn’t be hard to trace things back to Hekate! That was the worst part of it. She wasn’t even being subtle. But Kamine was all Oh, woe, the fates are cruel to me, what a terrible hand I’ve been dealt. Every single time. What a fucking sotong.

  Yet despite all her effort, Kamine was to be put on the throne. For days after her father’s death, Hekate vented to me in private, away from prying ears. Why did the old man have to go and kick the bucket when her plans were only halfway through? I listened and nodded sympathetically, but I’d be lying if I said I felt sorry for her. What went through me, instead, was joy and pride. She trusted me! She was telling me things she would tell no one else. I was overwhelmed by her confidence in me, like a sampan swallowed in a tidal wave.

  I promised I would do anything to help her achieve her goals. Tell me how I can help, I said.

  Wouldn’t it be nice, she said, if Kamine simply dropped dead?

  Now. We know that the man was a lazy shitbucket, always overindulging. He only got worse after becoming Protector. Sometimes, he would imbibe so much wine, he wouldn’t wake until the next sun cycle. How could such a person run an empire that spans a continent? He can’t, that’s how. Hekate knew she would have to strike quick and unseen, like a scorpion.

  What are you going to do? I asked.

  She said, I’m not going to do anything. Not personally. That’s the beauty of it.

  At that time, she was close to another young Tensor, Wang Shaoyun. She had many lovers, but he was one she particularly favored. A researcher, a rising star at the Tensorate Academy. He was ambitious, too, and had his eye on a council post. But it was well known that Kamine didn’t like him—some petty grudge from a long time ago. Maybe he didn’t like being reminded of his failings. Wang Shaoyun was driven and brilliant and better than Kamine in every way.

  Like so many of the hopefuls, he had come to the Great High Palace to pay respects to the old Protector. He was living in the lower quarters for the week. Hekate saw her chance.

  I have the perfect job for you, she told me.

  My task was simple. In the mornings, the servant types gathered to do the laundry in the great washing room. As a handmaiden, I wasn’t expected to do this sort of menial labor. But Hekate made an exception for that day. Wang Shaoyun was particularly close to one of his servants, a girl called Kam. My task was to find her and casually mention, in conversation, that I had overheard Kamine declaring that Wang Shaoyun would never get the post he wanted.

  Did he actually say that? I asked.

  Hekate said, No. But she won’t know that, will she?

  So, I went to the laundry room. I fit in very well; it had been mere months since I was doing my own laundry, after all. I parked myself next to Kam at the washbasin. You’re Wang Shaoyun’s servant, aren’t you? I asked her.

  She said yes, so I kept up the inane conversation. Talked about the weather, who had been glimpsed going into whose chambers, that kind of nonsense. This Kam, she was a natural gossip. Once I got her started, I almost couldn’t get her to stop.

  The moment there was a lull in her conversation, I pounced. I said, You know, I heard the Protector talk about your master recently.

  That got her attention at once. What did he say? Oh, you must know my master and the Protector don’t get along.

  I pretended I knew nothing. Oh, they don’t? I said. That explains why the Protector said those awful things.

  What things? she asked.

  Oh, don’t think anything of it. He probably didn’t mean it. Drunkenly blurted it out at some party or other. Just behind closed doors, to a small handful of people he trusted. Well, except for us servants, I suppose. But we don’t count, do we?

  What did he say?

  Just that he would make sure Kamine never got the post he wants. But, you know. He was only joking. Probably.

  I see, she said, and then she went strangely quiet.

  I told Hekate what had happened. She seemed pleased. Told me I did a good job.

  Do you really think she’ll tell Wang Shaoyun what I said? I asked.

  Hekate laughed. The only thing that woman opens more readily tha
n her legs is her mouth.

  That evening Wang Shaoyun, came to Hekate’s chambers in a fit of rage. I left the room to give them a sense of privacy, of course, but through the wood and painted silk of the partitions I could hear his muffled, angry shouting, with Hekate’s calm voice interspersed. I don’t know what she said to him that night, what subtle insinuations she dropped into his mind like a poison slug. But she was very pleased with the work she did that night. Greeted me the next morning all smiles and pride. Told me how good I’d been.

  Wouldn’t you know it, months later Kamine simply dropped dead. Took to bed complaining of a headache after having drunk three whole gourds of wine. The next day, he didn’t emerge from his room. As expected as the sun rising and falling, right? First sun cycle gone, second sun cycle gone, third sun cycle. By the time the third night cycle came around, people started getting suspicious. His personal maid had been waiting for her summon beacon to hum all day, and nothing. Silence. It was a bit late, even for him. When the sun fell for the fourth time, she decided to check in on him and risk his wrath, just in case. What do you know, she found him all laid out, eyes wide open, so stiff she couldn’t even move his arms. He hadn’t even taken off his underwear from last night.

  What a shock! He’d only been Protector for four months. Obviously, the first thought on everyone’s mind was assassination. Someone poisoned him! All the servants in the palace were questioned, their minds and bodies probed by Tensors for the truth. But there was no guilt in any of them. They had performed their duties perfectly.

  Meanwhile, the masters of forest-nature, those wise, learned doctors who knew all the workings of the body, had been examining his corpse. They could find no trace of poison in him. His heart had simply . . . stopped. Their conclusion? A natural death. And Sanao Hemana, the new Protector, said, Alas, my poor cousin. How unfortunate to see his unhealthy lifestyle take hold. We shall all mourn for him.

  Like I said, he wasn’t a popular man. Nobody went out of their way to disprove a theory presented by the Tensorate and accepted as truth by the Protector. And anyway, the Tensorate’s report had been truthful. There were no detectable traces of poison in Kamine’s body. They didn’t lie about that.